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BATTLE of the SEXES JOKES!
(no offence is intended - I myself am the opposite sex!))
WARNING: Some jokes may not be suitable for young audiences...
Parental Guidance Suggested.
No offence is intended by any of these jokes - so if you are able to laugh at yourself - come on in and laugh your head off. If you are a "sensitive" type you should probably surf elsewhere.
Understanding Women
(or at least trying to)
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'
If you don't you are half a man
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a play boy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
If you stare at other women, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
Oh Lord! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN"
What Men and Women Say and Mean
Part 1
The Men's Guide to what the Woman really mean
You want = You want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarassed
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I a little fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new
pocket books, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
The Woman's Guide to what the Men really mean
Part 2
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = Same as Above
"Can I call you sometime?" = Same as Above
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can get down to business
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
 BLONDE JOKES BATTLE OF THE SEXES BOSS JOKES
COMPUTER JOKES LAWYER JOKES LIGHTBULB JOKES
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN.....
WORDS OF WISDOM POEMS INSPIRATION
Looking for something else? Please visit my other sites...
 The-Mac-Lady.com - About The Mac Lady and All Things MAC!
Wicked-Web-Design.com - Web Design and Hosting
The-Web-Lady.com - All Things WEB!
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