(no offence is intended - I've been a boss myself!)
WARNING: Some jokes may not be suitable for young audiences...
Parental Guidance Suggested.
No offence is intended by any of these jokes - so if you are able to laugh at yourself - come on in and laugh your head off. If you are a "sensitive" type you should probably surf elsewhere.
Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done"
Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
My Boss said to me "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier."
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way her mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in her brain.
I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is a bastard, too ... but at least I respect him.
He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.
Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"
HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
Quote from telephone inquiry "We're hiring only one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes.
TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR BOSS IS OUT TO GET YOU
10. Douses your quarterly report with kerosene, sets it ablaze. (MrEvilDude)
WHY BOSSES ARE FULL OF SHIT! (PG)
9. Puts "Downsize Me" sign on your back. (TreeRol)
8.Secretly replaces your coffee with ground up cockroaches and ants. (MrEvilDude)
7. You are the only one to receive memo proclaiming Friday to be "Naked Day". (WE TLC 3)
6. Brings baseball bat to staff meeting; asks you specifically if you've ever seen "The Untouchables". (Fingers 26)
5. Keeps asking, "Where's your visitor tag?" (BJ Fergy)
4. Takes away your Keyword; gives it to Letterman. (FOOS)
3. Continuously submits lame Top Ten submissions under your name. (ERSIII)
2. Makes you the lead guy on new "Cigarettes for Toddlers" campaign. (KSopher)
Before this list morphs into some Dilbert cartoon, give it up for Rnbowbeard, who knows when the bossman is after you bigtime...
1. Scuba diver with videocam now tracks your movements around water cooler.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.
BLONDE JOKES BATTLE OF THE SEXES BOSS JOKES
The brain said to the other parts of the body, Since I control everything and do all the thinking, therefore I should be boss!
And the feet said, Since I carry Man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, so I should be boss!
And the hands said, Since I do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be boss instead!
And the eyes said, Since I must look out for all of you and tell you where danger lurks, surely I should be boss!
And so were the mouth, the lungs and the heart arguing over who should be the boss and finally the asshole spoke up and demanded that he should be made boss. All of the other parts broke out in laughter at the idea of an asshole being made boss. The asshole was very angry and felt so insulted that he decided to block himself off and refused to let anything come out of it.
Soon after several days and weeks, the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and ached, the feet became too weak to walk, the hands hung limply at the sides, the mouth couldn't eat anything, and the lungs and the heart struggled to keep going... Finally all of them pleaded with the brain to relent and let the asshole be boss over all the other parts.
And so it happened. All the other parts resumed their functions and the asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of shit...
The moral of the story is: You don't have to have a brain to be boss, just an asshole!
COMPUTER JOKES LAWYER JOKES LIGHTBULB JOKES
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN.....
WORDS OF WISDOM POEMS INSPIRATION
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